As regular readers may have noticed, my posts seem to have become rather erratic and infrequent. This is mostly because I can’t seem to focus well enough to write about what’s happening in as much clarity and detail as previously. I don’t know if this is a long-term effect of treatment, i.e. chemo brain, or just living with ongoing low-level anxiety…?
I find it hard to concentrate without being anxious and restless and hard to relax without being in semi-comatose resting mode. The middle ground where I’m sufficiently relaxed to sit down calmly and sufficiently focused to gather my thoughts seems quite elusive.
I write a lot in my head, or at least I have a lot of writing ideas that appear in my head, in bed, in the shower, getting ready to go out, driving or otherwise not in a position to sit down and actually put fingers to keyboard. Damn!
I can sometimes get it together to capture short mindful bursts of writing. So it occurred to me recently that perhaps I’d be better at writing blog posts more frequently, keeping them short and less convoluted, maybe even less informative, but in that way, maintaining a record of what’s happening to me and allowing readers to know what’s going on, at least in brief.
For me this would solve three issues:
– one of me not writing and then the seemingly immense mountain of backlog rearing up to frighten me off from ever writing again;
– two, when I speak to people I don’t see regularly, not having to recap everything that I’ve gone through when they ask me how I am and how I’ve been. Hopefully, they’ll know, if only the basics and it’ll be easier to fill in the gaps of what they’re interested to know more about.
– and finally, three, and most importantly for me, I will have a record of my journey through Myelomaville. It’s this that upsets me most, losing my way, losing my memory… also a result of chemo brain, or menopause, or age, or who knows what?
So, with my new resolve, this is a short snippety post. Hopefully to be followed by more… Watch this space!