This is just a quickie… I’ve got about half an hour before I have to leave the house to go into hospital.
I’ve not written for ages, mostly because I’ve been feeling well, energetic and wanting to get out and enjoy the summer while I am so well, because in a few days I really will not be able to do so. I have so much to write up, so that will be a good use of all the ‘down time’ I’m expecting in the next few weeks. Ooops, I feel the Pollyanna effect coming on again. 😀
I was supposed to go into hospital on Monday, but there was no bed available. As the treatment was going to start on Tuesday morning and there was no real need to be in hospital on Monday, I really wasn’t too bothered. Instead, my friend and I drove off into Derbyshire with a picnic and sat in the sun and a few insignificant drops of rain (that’s for you, Rhiannon!) amongst sheep for the afternoon.
I called the ward at 8:30 this morning and was told there would probably be a bed available after ward round and someone would call me about 11:30.
I decided to make the best of the glorious sunshine and my last hours of energy and freedom… I went out on my bike into the local nature reserve, meandered around, discovered a new area I’ve not cycled or walked in before and stopped to chat to a bird-watching neighbour who told me where to look for egrets nesting and heartily agreed when I said “See you soon.”
I also visited an elderly neighbour who I’ve not seen for well over a year. Of course she was surprised to see me with a bald head and sorry to hear that I have cancer, but we chatted pretty much the same as we used to, which felt good. We made a pact to both be around next year for her 90th birthday celebrations.
It was a really lovely morning and I felt happy on returning home.
At 1:00, I had still not heard anything, so called the ward again, to be told a bed would be available at 5:00 this afternoon, but treatment wouldn’t start now till tomorrow. I grumbled at the idea of spending a whole evening and night in hospital just to ‘save’ the bed from being used for someone else. What a bloody ridiculous system!
Obviously, this means the chemo and transplant are all delayed by one day. And on top of all that, the nurse I was speaking to showed no sign of understanding why I might be a tad disgruntled. The whole conversation left me in a foul mood, tearful, feeling restless and unable to relax all afternoon.
Although the same sort of timings were expected for Monday, with treatment to start on Tuesday, which I had accepted, this further delay was just too frustrating and brought out all the unexpressed stress and anxiety that has probably been lingering around in the background.
Around 4:00, I decided to call again to ask if I could come in later, as I really did not see the point. All they have to do is check my height and weight and do normal observations – half an hour at the most!
Fortunately and dare I say wisely, they said I could now come in at 8:00. I jumped about in relieved joy and got ready to eat a home-cooked meal, albeit a little earlier than usual. I am fully expecting to entirely lose my appetite the moment I step through the hospital doors – with or without chemotherapy to help it along.
And just now, as I’m writing this, a nurse has called to say that the patient they hoped would be leaving has to stay in tonight, so would it be okay for me to come in tomorrow morning at 8:30? Of course, it’s okay! I’m delighted, if rather weary of the whole shenanigans. (Treatment will start tomorrow… unless of course, there is a further delay.) So now, instead of a hospital visit, I’m going to see a movie. So there! 😛
(The film is ‘Beginners’ with Christopher Plummer and Ewan McGregor, in case you’re interested)
P.S. A quick further update… It’s now Wednesday morning and given the delays above, I decided to call the hospital before I left the house. They still weren’t sure there would be a bed and said they’d call back around 9:00. The call came with an apology… still no bed but there WILL be one at 2pm and the chemotherapy treatment WILL be given today. Forgive me for being a tad cynical, but I’ll believe it when I’m in a bed hooked up. 😛